Sin in Relationships | The Repeat of Forgiveness
Relationships can be tricky. You and your friend can have a great relationship. Then, suddenly, someone will do something that seems to alter the relationship forever. A rift occurs between the two individuals, wrecking the relationship with what appears to be no hope of rebuilding. Sin wrecks relationships as people reject the righteousness design of God for one another. More than likely, you have been the victim of someone else’s sin and needed to extend the hand of forgiveness to your brother and sister. Furthermore, you have likely known the need to give forgiveness and have been hesitant to do so as the hurt and pain felt deep and personal. God’s design for relationships accounts even for the days we hurt one another as He exhorts us to trust Him and offer forgiveness to those who have hurt us.
Peter genuinely thought he had asked an incredibly great question as he implied that we should forgive seven times, which is the number of completion. Jesus challenged the notion of Peter’s forgiveness (implying it had been a self-righteous question) by giving an outlandishly huge number for forgiveness. In today’s understanding, Peter would ask if we should forgive people a billion times, and Jesus answers with “No. Infinity…plus one.” Jesus presents a radical forgiveness for your enemies in the face of whatever hurt, pain, or sin they have done against you. Forgiveness in no way means to belittle or dismiss any severity of hurt or pain caused by the other person, but it submits our hearts to God, who can restore any broken relationship.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22, ESV)
The Forgiveness God Gives First
Ultimately, sin is the culprit for broken relationships. Everyone sins, and this sin, no matter how great or small, affects relationships, people, and our hearts. Sin creates a rift between two entities that needs restoration. Yet, however strong our hurt and however broken our relationships are, the biggest rift comes between humanity and God. God established a relationship between Himself and humanity at the outset of creation. Sin ruptured this relationship, causing a rift between us and the unfettered presence of God. We chose rebellion against God instead of trusting His goodness, and the consequence of our rebellion is separation from the author, creator, and perfecter of all creation.
The forgiveness of God is first and foremost extended to us by grace through the all sufficient sacrifice on the cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In the parable Jesus tells in Matthew 18, the King forgives a man of a lifetime of debt. The man would have never been able to pay back the King the amount He was rightfully due. Yet, being rich in His own right, the King forgave the man for all His debts. The King’s forgiveness had given the man a new life. This new life should have drastically changed his outlook and perspective on how he treats those around him. After all, when debt once burdened his life, he found himself free by the grace of the King.
Offering forgiveness to others who have wronged and hurt us is incredibly difficult. The sin of others against us may be significant, but when we compare it to our sin against the King of Kings, we see just how much God forgave us. When we struggle to offer forgiveness to others, we should first look to God and see the forgiveness He has given to us. No matter how far we stray from God and sin against Him, “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, ESV). When you consider the depth of forgiveness that God has given you, the lifetime of debt He paid on your behalf, offering forgiveness to someone else becomes an extension of God’s love given to you first.
The Repetitive Forgiveness
Understanding how God forgives us first, we now face the sins and debts of others against us. As the man in the parable left the King, he found someone who owed him significantly less money. Rather than offering the same forgiveness the King gave him, the man refused and instead demanded punishment. While the punishment had been just, it missed the point of grace. The man received grace and refused to extend it to another. He indulged his own offense with a complete disregard for the gift that he himself had been given. The
Our relationships function the same. We desire grace for the sins we commit but withhold that grace for others. We want forgiveness and pause in extending it to another. Jesus makes it clear in talking to Peter that the best thing we can do is offer forgiveness over and over and over. Holding on to unforgiveness only damages us. Unforgiveness feeds and fosters the pain, ruminating on the offense as a spiraling whirlpool drags down everything ensnared in it. Holding to it spreads and festers in a person’s heart until it destroys the individual. We withhold forgiveness until we receive an apology because we desire the forgiveness to be transactional. The grace of God, though, offers the hope of humanity even before we desire or deserve it.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with apology or repentance. We will only end up hurting ourselves if we cling to unforgiveness or want the other person to move first. Just as God took the first step in extending forgiveness to us, we should forgive one another regardless of whether someone offers an apology. At the core, forgiveness is a refusal to hold an offense against someone else. It is a releasing into the hands of God the hurt, pain, and sin, knowing that God’s hands are better than our own. This forgiveness will need to be offered time and time again, even for the same offense. When we find ourselves tempted to return to the offense and persist in our hurt and pain, we bring our hurts and thoughts to God, saying, “Just as you have forgiven me, help me forgive them.”
The relationship between two people may never be the same, but God can heal all things. The Gospel shows us that any relationship, no matter how broken, can be restored by the mighty hand of God. The first step in this process is to place the relationship in God’s hands and forgive one another. .
About The Author
Daniel Burton is the founder of The Gospel Outpost. He is passionate about discipleship and seeing people grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. To find out more about him, check out his Author Page.
