Sin in Relationships | The Owning of Apology
Relationships can be tricky. There will come a time when everyone, even you, will do something against someone you are in relationship with. These will range from small daily offenses to large offenses that threaten the ongoing nature of the relationship. In the person part of this series, we looked at Forgiveness and how we can hand the offense and the individual over to God. Forgiveness and apology are not connected, though. Thus, when we sin, we have the duty to do our part, own our sins, and apologize to those we have sinned against.Â
But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
(1 John 1:7-10, ESV)
In his first epistle, John clearly displays the pervasive problem of sin. Everyone sins and wrongs others. No one can claim they have made it through life perfect with no sin or no rift in relationships that we cause. To say that we have no sin makes us a liar, unaware of our true condition and the problems we cause among each other. When we sin (not if), it is crucial to own our role in the sin through open honesty and transparency. When we sin, the first step is to apologize to the one we have offended for the sin we have committed. First and foremost, we apologize to God for our sins, acknowledging the reality of our condition before the King of Kings. Then we apologize to the people we have wronged, knowing we have sinned against another.
Owning Our Sin Against God
At the core, sin is rebellion against God and how He designed all creation to be. God ordered all things to live in perfect harmony with one another, setting the rules of creation in a manner that honors Him and supports one another. God did not put rules in place to restrict our freedom but rather to open them up to the fullness of life that God intended for all creation. Sin consists of anything that goes against God’s plan, whether it is the general plan for humanity or God’s specific plan for all of us individually. Furthermore, the consequence of our rebellion against God, the source of life, claims death as our sin. When we take the plan of God into our own hands in an attempt to be God, we become the unrighteousness and sinfulness of life without God.
Thus, we apologize first and foremost to God. Too often, we fear that we cannot bring our sins to God based on how we believe that God will act when He finds out. Some are concerned that God will respond with deep and profound anger, pouring out His rage and fury for our rebellion. Other times, we feel simply too gross to come to God with our sins. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9, ESV). The first step to our personal healing and restoration is to openly acknowledge our sins before the Lord, knowing that He faithfully and justly forgives us through the work of Jesus Christ on the cross. There is no need to hide our sins because He already knows. Nor do those in Christ need to be concerned with retribution from God because Jesus Christ has already fully paid for our sins on the cross. God may discipline us, but only as loving parents disciplines their children so that they grow into their full potential.Â
Owning Our Sin Against One Another
The tricky part in an apology is looking someone else in the face and admitting fault. I have personally had many circumstances in which I have received and apologized to another. Each case brings about a certain amount of difficulty. We attempt to limit the pain of our apology by dismissively ignoring the weight of our sin against another or by trying to justify our sin to the person we hurt. We say things like “I’m sorry you felt hurt” or “I’m sorry BUT…” to lessen our internal angst. Each of these and others fail to own up to our part in the broken relationship in an effort to make ourselves feel better rather than apologize to the person.
Own your sin when you sin against another, with the same honesty you brought it to God. Own the hurt you cause the other person and the sin you committed against them. You allowed sin to rule in your heart and cause a rift between people. When you honestly own your sin to the other person, you demonstrate a willingness to care for the person you hurt, which is the first step in restoring the relationship. Where sin creates a rift in the relationship, apology acknowledges the effects of sin and seeks to restore the relationship. Doing the right thing will often mean making amends for our wrong decisions. Where we hurt someone by sinning against them, we own the effect of our works and seek to glorify God, even in our failure.
The relationship between two people may never be the same, but God can heal all things. Whether or not a person forgives us for our sins is between them and God, but we all must do our part and trust the process and the Lord to mend what is broken.
About The Author
Daniel Burton is the founder of The Gospel Outpost. He is passionate about discipleship and seeing people grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. To find out more about him, check out his Author Page.
