The Fruit of the Kindness: On Confrontation and Niceness
by Daniel Burton
We live in a culture that continually is ruled and directed by our feelings. Truth is viewed through the litmus test of how it makes a person feel, rather than on its veracity of being truth. All of this is guised under the supposed idea of “tolerance.” Out of this new cultural norm, there are large portions of Christians who feel as if they should never confront a person for their sin or talk about any difficult issue. After all, this wouldn’t be nice to the person to confront their sin. Yet, Jesus never called his followers to be nice. Instead, He called them to understand what the risks and consequences of our actions were and to be kind. By His very presence, we must conclude that we are all sinful in need of a Savior. We are all wretched sinners in need of God to rescue us from the depths of our sin. When we refuse to confront the sins in the body of Christ for the sake of niceness, we neglect the basic commands of God and the Fruit of Kindness is nowhere to be found.
If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
The Selfishness of Being Nice
Niceness, when separated from kindness, serves as a tool to build up oneself and pat ourselves on the back for our supposed caring. 
Where kindness self-sacrificially loves another, niceness seeks to soothe our own souls instead of being the hand of God for someone in need. Furthermore, it denies the sovereignty and supremacy of God’s word to mankind. Sin must be recognized as sin no matter how awkward it may be to point it one to another. Niceness and tolerance, apart from the biblical fruit mentioned in Galatians, has no part in the Gospel. God permits all persons to come to Him, but sins and lives must be laid down and crucified on the cross.
In truth, looking to never confront a person of their sin tends to be rooted in fear and in a false gospel. Fear tells the believer that we have no right to speak to the details of a person’s life or that we will become embarrassed or outcast by doing so. Yet, throughout the whole of bible, we are encouraged to lift one another up, support one another, and be honest with one another regarding our sins and life. Furthermore, allowing a person to continue in an obvious sin for the sake of tolerance or supposed niceness is a better indicator of ambivalence about a person’s fate or life than a genuine care or concern for that person. When we know something to be damaging to the soul, a refusal to say something, specifically to our brothers and sisters in Christ, lacks any form of kindness and bears no fruit of a life impacted by the Holy Spirit.
Confrontation As A Kindness
Yet, we must remember to confront people with kindness. This is precisely why Jesus, in Matthew 18, spells out how to properly confront the sin in another. 
Confrontation displays kindness and a heartfelt desire to see your brother or sister in Christ be free from their sin. Its self-sacrificial nature puts the relationship on the line for a difficult conversation. Kindness seeks restoration and redemption in both parties where niceness seeks the status quo and only cares about feelings being positive. There is more to a person and more to truth than just feelings, there is the soul and mankind and the originator of all truth.
Niceness will keep a person in a position they are not suited to be in. Kindness looks to release them from their unknown prison and directs them to the fullness in God’s glory and plan. The path to confrontation always starts individual to individual. After that, it grows to a select few. After that, to the larger body. At that point, without repentance they should be treated as a non-believer, with the grace and love that we show as we continually share the gospel with one who is lost. Every step of this process is marked by love and grace. Time, energy, and effort are poured into a person with the prayer that they will return to their heavenly Father. Silence, ambivalence, and meekness are not characteristics of kindness. Kindness displays itself boldly, empowered by the strength and resolution of the Holy Spirit inside of us, calling everyone into a relationship with our heavenly Father.
For more in this series, check out The Fruit of the Spirit
One Response
[…] (as we discussed earlier in the series) and goes beyond a simple niceness (which we looked at the second part of this series), then kindness is a type of grace that we show to others. […]